It is what it is!

I was going through a very tough phase of my life, everything had plateaued, I had nothing to look up to. I was not very fond of the fact that the place I live in basically exploits us with the façade that it is modern day slavery.

Work your ass off as a corporate slave just to feed the government your tax money and get treated like crap in return. What I am talking about is how we seem to be paying top dollar for poor quality goods and poor quality life. But alas, I have found strength and regained my vigour to continue living.

With the intro out of the way, let me start with the music recommendation of the blog: tell you straight by jigitz. Also I think this artist is amazing do listen to the album here. 

In the past few weeks/months I realised that I had lost the drive to do pretty much everything. This is a place of my life which I often find myself ending up in quite frequently. The negative self-talk and overthinking. Today though it had gotten really bad.

Due to the nature of how stuff is going on at work, I have a lot of time on my hands, and the problem was there was nothing which I found fulfilling. I could not even force myself to scroll on Instagram or Reddit. See that's the point at which I understood that things had gotten real.

When you don't find it fulfilling to spend time on apps which are built around instant gratification. When the only purpose of the said apps is to make sure you spend as much time as possible on these apps and engage with the apps so they can feed you ads and you just can't seem to spend any time on it, and you have to remember these are the people who have spent literally billions of dollars making these algos so that you get hooked on their platform. When your brain rejects even these algos, well suffice to say I smelled trouble. Nothing piqued my interest anymore, not movies, not books, not music. In one sentence I could say that I had nothing to look out for.

But turns out nobody has anything to look up to anyways. You make meaning in life by making your own meaning in life.

Well, I could not come to this conclusion by myself. I needed external help to re-realize this fact. With this troubled thought, I went to go see my friends and I spilled everything to them.

And oh boy, I am indeed lucky to have these people in my life. When all of this was happening to me, I was not thinking about what Albert Camus said, or what Viktor Frankl had taught. I just started pouting. Does that mean that the time I spent reading the books was pointless? I don't think it was; sometimes you just need external help. What I realised is the fact that I stopped caring about the tiny things in life when my conditioning had forced me to think long term. I somehow lost the purpose of living in the now, in this moment.

Rather than making life happen, life was just happening around me. Well folks, if you are stuck in a similar phase of life, remember, nothing matters. Find purpose in life by making everything a challenge, read that book you can't seem to finish reading. Do hard things; if life is easy, make it hard on purpose.

Never ever make the same mistake I did, never settle, never let life be easy for you. Life should be difficult; you have to always force yourself to wake up and live life. Stay toxic, be delulu. Do what works for you.

What I am trying to say is life is only meaningless if you think it's meaningless; it's all about perception, everything is in your head. Might as well make the most out of life, knowing that everything is pointless. Embrace the absurd, yet find meaning in life. Make Camus proud.